I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
