I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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