She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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