ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
