You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
