i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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