Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
