South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
