I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
