He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
