What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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