Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
