For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
