so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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