Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
