im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
