Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pants are for mortals
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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