You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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