If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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