it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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