Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
