Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize