I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
