Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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