For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
