I think I won the penis lottery.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
