omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
