Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
