Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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