is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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