pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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