We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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