Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
