How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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