This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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