Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
