I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
