He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
