glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
