She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize