getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
