Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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