My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
