apparently the secret to your success is patron
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize