He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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