Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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