is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
