i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
