I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
