OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
