I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
