Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
