I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
