piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize