I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
