I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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