Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
