How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I faked an abortion last night.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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