I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
