You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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