Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize