Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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