dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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