i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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