Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
