My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cockslap morals
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
