Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
