shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
