How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize