Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
