i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
