I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
