btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
