i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
