Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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