and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
