I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
