You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
