How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
